PETA Plans Focus on Nature with New "Animal-Friendly" Football
League
 SEATTLE
-- Rumor in the
sports world is that PETA—People for the Ethical Treatment
of Animals—is forming a new football league to compete
with the NFL. What makes this new league unique is that it is "animal-friendly." What
this means is that animal mascots will not be allowed and,
needless to say, use of the term "pigskin" will result in harsh
penalties.
"We're sick and tired of turning on the TV on Sunday morning
in the autumn only to see Bears fighting Lions and a Buccaneer taking
it to a Dolphin," exclaimed Jenna Iverson, a PETA member. "Do
these people have no respect for the sanctity of animal life? We
envision a league in which trees gently oppose shrubs and clouds
politely overtake sun rays. This is the kind of sports league America
really wants."
Actually,
overwhelming public opinion polls show that Iverson is wrong
and that people will not spend their hard earned money to support
a team whose mascot resembles a pinecone. Still, the organizers are
undaunted. "Opinion
polls mean nothing to us," countered Iverson. "And to show that
we are not fearful of competition with the NFL, we have decided
to place teams in the same cities as them."
Not all teams
have selected mascots yet, but from those who have we see
a strong preference toward nature. Chicago was quick to capitalize
on one its most famous attributes: wind. The Chicago Wind
is sure to form a strong rivalry with the nearby Detroit Alternative Fuel
Sources, despite the fact that they have complimentary mascots. The Seattle
Rainclouds is another team that will likely fail to inspire fear in opponents,
especially as they compete in the National Conference's Western Division
again the Arizona Drought, the St. Louis Arches, and the San Francisco Alternative
Lifestyle.
"We realize
that our mascots are not going to be as exciting as those
of the NFL," conceded
Iverson, "but you have
to admit that they are more appropriate descriptions of the
cities and states that these teams call home."
A quick visit to a local
Seattle sports bar failed to bring forth chants of "go Rainclouds!" In
fact, most patrons we interviewed said that they wished the rain
would "just
go the hell away."
Whether or not the PETA league will be successful
remains to be seen. But with kickoff still three months away
and sponsorship deals from GardenBurger, Tazo, and the Bravo network in the works, the future
does indeed look bright—or at least brighter than it did for the XFL.
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X Games Sets Sites on IT Adventures
SAN JOSE, CA -- Producers of ESPN's popular X Games are rumored to be developing an offshoot of the extreme
sporting competition that will focus on extreme IT management.
"We've been looking
at ways to expand the 'X' concept beyond sports," explained
Derek Long. "With the popularity of Fear Factor, it seems that
the American public has an insatiable appetite for the extreme.
And everyone knows that technology is hot."
The competition format is
simple, and will be borrowed from the sports version of the games.
The finals-only format will feature the 10 best IT managers in
a given discipline invited by the special selection committee
to compete in the X Games IT. In some events, two teams of 10 IT managers
will face off against one another to solve a series of tech issues.
An IT manager competes in
the highly competitive Monitor X Systems Failures event.
The system that needs attention sits at the mountain's summit.
The X Games IT will include 17 world-class competitions designed
to push the nation's most talented IT managers to the limit.
The events include:
Aggressive
Virus Eradication
- IFS Scanning
- PC-based Scanning
- Native iSeries Scanning
- Mail Scanning
- Spyware Detection
FTP Stunt
- Upload
- Download
Monitor X
- Systems Failures
- Job Queue
- Message Queue
Honeypots
- Trapping
- Response
Web Surfing
- Navigation
- Malware Avoidance
Security X
- User Privileges
- Hacking
- Accidental Deletion Protection
- Extrusion Prevention
"We feel that we've put together a good mix that will really highlight
the skills of IT staff," said Long. "These men and women often
do a thankless job behind the scenes. They can be scapegoats
when things aren't running smoothly but are all but forgotten
when things are fine."
Like the X Games sporting edition, X Games IT
will enjoy full live coverage. Unlike the sporting edition, however,
X Games IT will not be seen on ESPN or ABC. In an attempt to better tie in
to the issues at hand, X Games IT will be seen on CNBC, the Discovery Channel,
and TLC.
X Games IT is tentively scheduled for July 5 - 11 and will be held
at various venues in the San Francisco Bay Area. Large crowds are expected
so get your tickets early. All venues will be WiFi hotspots.
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MSN and FOXSports.com Combine for Online Sports Powerhouse
REDMOND, WA and LOS ANGELES-- Two of the
media world's most recognized innovators, the MSN network of
Internet services and FOXSports.com will team up to create an
online sports destination offering fans and marketing partners
a rich blend of exclusive editorial content, innovative customization
and exclusive online video not available anywhere else on the
Web. The new alliance will make FOXSports.com the primary sports
content destination on the MSN network and provide its users
with unprecedented access and features related to FOX Sports and Fox Sports
Net's lineup of key events during the coming year.
"With this alliance,
we're combining the No. 1 sports broadcast and cable outlets
with the No. 1 online worldwide destination to offer sports fans
the ultimate online sports site," said Yusuf Mehdi, corporate vice
president of the MSN Information Services & Merchant Platform division
at Microsoft. "Consumers can expect a winning experience on foxsports.msn.com
via unprecedented video footage, exclusive content, personalization
options, interactive features and exclusive coverage of the biggest
sporting events in the United States."
Ross Levinsohn, senior
vice president and general manager of Fox Sports Interactive
Media, said, "Teaming
with MSN will enable new innovative services for consumers and
unprecedented opportunities for advertisers."
FOXSports.com on MSN will
be the exclusive nonsubscription destination for fans to get
a wide range of video content generated by FOXSports.com called
from its television network, Fox Sports and Fox Sports Net. Video sports
content will be available via MSN Video utilizing Microsoft Windows Media
9 Series.
The
site likewise will draw from the many Fox Regional Sports Report
bureaus around the nation that Fox Sports Net manages. FOXSports.com
on MSN also will provide users with more than 100 full-length classic college
football and basketball games.
Other key features of the foxsports.msn.com
site include the following:
• Exclusive editorial content, including behind-the-scenes
video from "Best Damn Sports Show Period," "FOX NFL Sunday" and
the upcoming nightly series "I, Max," starring Max Kellerman. It
will also offer opinions from key Fox Sports and Fox Sports Net
personalities such as NASCAR legend Darrell Waltrip, MLB analyst Kevin Kennedy
and "Best
Damn Sports Show Period" commentator Leeann Tweeden and many others.
Fans can also get content from FOXSports.com's online relationship
with The Sporting News, including columns, articles and information
from one of the most trusted names in sports publishing.
• Integrated, interactive features will
sync the viewer of television sports with a robust online experience through
features including Virtual Coach, Virtual Manager and Virtual Crew Chief;
e-mail access to the booth; interactive games such as "Hit The Pros" and "Race
The Pros";
and cohesive programming such as "The Ultimate Fantasy Football Show" and "The
Best Damn Sports Show Period."
FOXSports.com on MSN also will
provide its users with a highly customizable resource for highlights
and information from their region of the country, including up-to-the moment
scores and statistics.
For
full details and the full press release text, visit FOXSports.com.
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