NFL Discussing New Approach to Endzone
Celebrations: Panel Judging
 HOUSTON,
TX -- Now that the Super Bowl is behind us and the New England
Patriots have been crowned world champions of the world,
NFL officials are turning an eye to the heated issue of endzone
celebrations. In recent years players have taken these post-touchdown
routines to new extremes, and the League has been cracking
down on the perpetrators with hefty fines. But with many players and fans
calling the NFL the "No Fun League," officials
are considering a different approach: panel judging.
"The idea behind
panel judging would be to offer a critique of the endzone
celebration right after it happens, giving players a chance to earn extra
points for their team," explained Jack Trugs, the mastermind
of the plan. "We would utilize an American Idol-style panel and are
discussing the idea with Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and that
other guy whose name no one can remember, Randy Jackson."
Trugs also
revealed additional details of the system, including how points might be
awarded. First, a table would be set up behind the endzone. Following a celebration,
Simon, Paula, and Randy would each offer their opinion of the performance.
Players who receive the approval of all three judges would earn an extra
three points for their team, allowing a touchdown to be worth a total of
10 points including the PAT attempt. If only two judges approve the team
gets only one additional point. Approval from only a single judge results
in a 15-yard penalty to be assessed on the kickoff. And finally, failure
to impress any of the judges carries a manadatory fine of $75,000.
"Some may think that the $75,000 fine is a bit excessive," continued
Trugs. "But hopefully this will encourage creativity among players.
We are ultimately about entertainment, and it really hurts when
people call us the No Fun League. If you think Terrel Owens's
Sharpie stunt was funny, you ain't seen nothing yet."
When asked what kind of items would continue to
be prohibited for use in endzone celebrations, Trugs points out that "the
sky's the limit now... we don't care what they use so long
as they don't burn the stadium down."
Marketing executives are licking their chops at
the opportunities this new policy would open up. Many are already preparing
special packages of free goodies and professionally developed "choreography suggestion
sheets" in the hopes that their products will be highlighted in a
celebration. Rebecca Edwards, a Marketing Manager at Quaker Oats, has a
plan. "We're sending mini boxes of cereal to the League's top
20 wide receivers," explained Edwards, hardly able to contain her
excitement. "We've come up with a few routines here using Cap'n Crunch
in celebrations, but what we're really excited about is seeing
what these players come up with on their own."
The new season
may have some great surprises in store for fans.
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University of Phoenix® to Field Football Team
 PHOENIX,
AZ-- Rumor has it that the popular adult education institution
University of Phoenix® is considering fielding
its own football program to compete with other universities
in Division I play.
The University of Phoenix® is not the
kind of institution that you normally see competing for a birth
in the Bowl Championship Series, but with more than 130 campuses
and learning centers spread throughout the United States,
they have the enrollment numbers to qualify for Division I and a wealth
of talent to draw upon, including former NCAA players.
A number of challenges
face the university in its attempt to form the football program. There
is of course the issue of practice and how to bring together players who
may be attending school in California, New Mexico,  Indiana,
and Florida, among other places. The use of web camera technology
and the Internet have been considered to create virtual practices.
"Of course the players would still all have to meet up for the games
on Saturdays," said coaching candidate Bill Parton, "but that
would be a lot more manageable than trying to have everyone relocate
to a single campus."
Indeed. But many former coaches and players are
skeptical of the effectiveness of a virtual practice method. "When that linebacker slams into you
on Saturday, there's nothing virtual about it," described former NCAA
quarterback Mack Tanners. "He ain't made out of pixels. That's 250
pounds of muscle driving into you. I suppose we could bring in
people to slam into you at the same time your cross-country teammate
does so on the screen. But it still just ain't the same."
Another obstacle
that must be overcome is NCAA eligibility. Under normal circumstances, players
are only eligible for a maximum of five years.
This may prevent Phoenix from using students who are former ball players.
The NCAA was unavailable for comment.
And of course there are the issues
of conference membership and scheduling. "We'd
probably remain independent," said Parton. "It worked well for
Miami, Florida State, and Penn State for years, and Notre Dame
is still chugging along outside a conference. That would also
allow us more flexibility in scheduling. And maybe we could do like Notre
Dame and get a network to force all of our games upon the general public."
Flexibility
is important here due to the geographically diverse nature of the university.
As an Independent, Phoenix would be able to create a schedule that would
take them all over the country rather than focusing on one specific region.
One proposal even suggests that as many as 12 different teams be formed
at 12 different campuses, with each having one shot to make its mark each
season by playing a single game against a nearby university.
" 'The Twelve Team Plan,' as we call it, would truly be a breakthrough
in the world of collegiate sports," said Parton. "We'd be trendsetters
and it'd give the sports guys something totally new to talk about
each week. You might have us beating an 8-0 team 42-0 one week
and then getting destroyed by an 0-9 team the week after. It'd be an adventure."
With aspirations of eventually winning a national
championship, however, Phoenix might face a tough road as an Independent.
The current BCS structure does not favor schools outside of the major
conferences: ACC, Big East, SEC, Big 10, Big 12, and PAC 10. Even mighty
Notre Dame is a bit of an outsider. An undefeated Phoenix squad might
find themselves on the outside looking in—and from quite a distance
at that. And with the Twelve Team Plan, 12 separate 1-0 squads
would have no shot at all.
Nevertheless, Parton and his supporters
are giddy about the future of their possible football program. "If nothing else we'd get to travel
around the country and see some of the great college stadiums first hand," reasoned
Parton. "And can you just imagine the home field advantage that we'd
have? Most schools have to bring you in to their one campus to
claim home field advantage. We've got more than 130 fields to
call home."
Whether or not The University of Phoenix® will
revolutionize the world of NCAA football as it has adult
education remains to be seen. One thing is for certain, however: other
schools will be watching and even if Phoenix doesn't field a team, some
of these revolutionary ideas may soon surface in familiar places. Time
to invest some of that stock money into Apple's iSight.
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Athens Olympic Update
Lee and Jun Over The Moon—
Venue Praised
ATHENS, Feb. 8, 2004--Korea dominated
three of the four finals on this last day of the Badminton
Sport Event at the Indoor Hall of the Goudi Olympic Complex. The other final
was local business in the court of Denmark. An appreciative public was present
on a Sunday morning of warm sunshine, and the players themselves, including
some of the sport’s
top names, expressed great satisfaction with the facilities,
especially the wonderful playing surface.
Fortune favours the
favourite
24-year-old LEE Huyn Il from Korea, favourite for
the men’s title,
did justice to his no.3 world ranking, with a 35-minute win 2-0
over his fellow-Korean SHON Seung Mo (15-8, 15-9). LEE, quickly
6-2 and then 13-6 up, won the first game 15-8 in only 14
minutes. SHON put up stiffer resistance in the second game,
and actually had his nose in front at 9-8. But LEE sensed
his peril, and crossed from defence to counterattack mode,
to sweep to the gold medal by reeling off the last six points. “My
dream is to win the gold medal in the Olympic Games”, the winner
told us. “I
did not do brilliantly today - I put some long shots out and
fluffed some smashes. But the main thing was that I won in
the end. The Venue is very nice indeed”. SHON philosophically put
his defeat down to loss of control “I did not respond correctly
to the opponent’s
strokes”,
he admitted. But he liked the Venue. “It is a very nice court, especially
the amazing floor”.
Happy birthday to Youn
Korea was also the favourite in the women’s
singles, in the person of JUN Youn Jae. The feisty game of Britain’s
left-hander Tracey HALLAM was no match for the delicate beauty
and timing of the young Korean, who celebrated her 21st birthday
a day early by winning 2-0 in 27 minutes (11-6, 11-3). “Yes, it will
indeed be a happy birthday!”,
she smiled. “The final was easy. I played well and I won”.
It was the better player on the day who won, sportingly conceded
HALLAM: “The
truth is I have only played once against her and I was not ready
to face her. My goal from now on is to play in as many matches
as possible in light of the Olympic Games, for which I have not
yet secured my qualification. I liked the court very much. It
is great for our sport, especially the rubber floor surface”. Britain
and Bulgaria shared the bronze medal.
Hammer and tongs
Certainly the most exciting of the four finals
was the men’s doubles,
a clash Thomas LAYBOURN and Peter STEFFENSEN versus Michael LAMP & Lars
PAASKE, where there was little to separate these two Danish pairs.
In the first game the game swung one way and then the other,
with LAMP and PAASKE reaching 12-11 only to be overtaken and
lose the game 12-15. The second game was still more tense, with
the score reaching 14-all. LAYBOURN and STEFFENSEN elected to
go to 17 points, and it looked as this might have been the wrong
choice when LAMP and PAASKE took the lead with 16-15. But LAYBOURN
and STEFFENSEN showed their class, and in a magnificent final rally won
the match 17-16 and the gold medal with 17-16.
“It was a tough match and the small details counted”,
said LAYBOURN afterwards. “ We won because we didn’t panic
at the end. We stayed calm and enjoyed the final.” PAASKE put the
defeat down to the fact that he had never partnered LAMP before. “ Basically
neither of us was quite sure what moves the other would make
on the court”,
he said, “so we couldn’t get our act together properly”.
Cut
short
There was a premature end to the final of the women’s doubles,
where Korea’s HWANG Yu Mi and LEE Hyo Jung were up against Great
Britain’s Donna KELLOGG and Natalie MUNT. After the Easterners had
swept to the first game 15-3 and were leading 2-0 in the second,
KELLOGG was forced to withdraw with a recurring leg injury. “It’s
an old injury that’s bothered me several times”, Donna told
us. “I
knew I wouldn’t be able to stick it out till the end of the final,
I wanted to play though, even just a game. It started to bother
me and because I knew we had a heavy programme ahead of us, I
decided to withdraw”.
For the winning pair, LEE said: "We’d
have liked to have played the whole of the final, but we’re happy
with the result all the same. We really liked the court and the
facilities here, and they will be even better for the Olympic Games." The
bronze medal went to Greek pair Kiki ASLANIDI and Eleanna GEORGOULI. "We’re
very pleased and privileged to be on the podium alongside these
star players,” said
ASLANIDI. And GEORGOULI echoed the feelings among the spectators
when she said: “Just seeing the Greek flag flying in third place
was a moving experience."
SOURCE: www.athens2004.com
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