Is Your Security a Joke?
Webcast Plans Mix of Hints and Humor

HOUSTON, TX -- Evans Business Solutions, the local software vendor hit by a recent data theft scandal, is marching forward with business as it plans an upcoming webcast entitled "Is Your Security a Joke?"

The webcast promises "a mix of real-world advice and a sprinkle of humor," explained spokesperson Daniel Thompson. "We're going to be addressing some common situations that can compromise system and network security with the hope that we can help all administrators rest a little easier at night."

Among the issues to be addressed include keeping anti-virus definitions up-to-date, limiting access to company data and resources by established trust-based policies, identifying who needs access to what, and using honeypots to deter hackers.

"We think the honeypots offer a great chance for humor," said Thompson. "But we're not banking on that alone. I don't want to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, but we've been working with some sitcom writers to make this a memorable webcast."

Security experts point out that this is no laughing matter. "The risks to 21st-century business are real and significant," said Peter Lortkis, an editor with Modern Security Resources magazine. "There is a mentality out there that methods relied upon in past decades are more than sufficient. This kind of thinking can lead to real trouble for companies. As threats evolve, so must our security practices."

Lortkis goes on to point out that Evans's approach of mixing humor with security talk could perpetuate the attitude that security is not all that important. "I only hope that they do it tastefully, and only to lighten up a subject that can be very dry. I've heard rumors that the webcast will be hosted by the son of one of their employees, a kid who fancies himself a prop comic."

Thompson denied reports that the kid in question is a prop comic. "He's really more of a standup comic," explains Thompson. "We have not determined who will host the webcast, but Jimmy Hoffman, son of our Director of iSeries Operations Kate Hoffman, has been working with us in the computer facilities for several months now. He's quite a genius when it comes to computers and he's been a big asset in helping us test some of our own security policies and measures against hackers and inside theft."

A broadcast date for "Is Your Security a Joke?" has not been announced, but the webcast is expected in mid 2004.

Zodiac Zone:
Your Personal Horoscope

Aquarius
As the Spirit and Opportunity rovers explore Mars, the God of War takes aim at your finances. Expect money to mysteriously disappear from your bank account and don't be surprised if you experience billing errors when dealing with your local phone company next week.

Pisces
Six red giants in the Andromeda galaxy come into alignment on Thursday and the surprising result is a further recession of your hairline. This misfortune will be offset, however, when your mother-in-law's impending visit is suddenly cancelled.

Aries
That resume you've been shopping around finally gets someone's attention, though the parole officer you've been hiding from was probably not your intended audience. Fortunately, your 12 years of experience in metal pressing will probably land you a managerial position in your new "office."

Taurus
You will suffer from FWS (Football Withdrawal Syndrome) for weeks to come. But don't wonder if you are pathetic. FWS is a real disease. Ask your doctor if the little brown pill is right for you. Plus, that $500 you lost on the Super Bowl will show up in the pocket of an old coat.

Gemini
Some people find gloom and doom predicted in their horoscopes... and so do you. Only this time around you're in for double the trouble. Beware of strangers bearing gifts. One gift is OK, but two is not. You'll be thankful for that extra bottle of olive oil you picked up at the market.

Cancer
Everyone in your office says you're crabby, and they'll be right after next Tuesday when you get that doctor's bill. Who knew that vinyl gloves could cost so much? Well, the llama did, but we don't want to rub it in. Keep an eye on that mold growing in your bathtub, it could take on a life of its own.

by Madame Gertrude and
her Psychic Llama

Leo
OK... for the last time, "chains required" means you shouldn't try to drive your Lark in the snowstorm. Further disregard for the rules finds you in dire straits in the weeks to come as a freak series of mishaps tests the limits of your health insurance's "lifetime benefits" policy.

Virgo
Your love for trinkets continues to bite you this week as your online bidding wars reach new levels of insanity. A break from the computer and a trip to Maui are highly recommended. But beware of stringent new airline policies that could cause problems for one of your favorite vacation take-alongs.

Libra
Your dreams come true as FOX debuts yet another reality show thus proving that they have not yet reached the limits of poor taste. The Littlest Groom may be small, but other surprising deficiencies promise to creep into your life starting next Wednesday.

Scorpio
Great news for you this week my stinger-clad friend. An unexpected promotion at work fills your bank account with oodles of cash. Just don't let those great furniture store offers take it all away before you've had time to enjoy it. Remember: It's for today, tonight, and tomorrow only...

Sagittarius
When the director of NASA's rover missions contracts a deadly form of chicken pox, you find yourself in the running for a job you've never considered. Wait a minute, that was a story I read in the National Enquirer. Nothing interesting will happen to you for some time to come.

Capricorn
It's the little things that count, and there are many small happenings in store for you next week. Pay close attention to your shopping receipts and watch out for windfalls such as old dimes found while cleaning out drawers. It looks like more exciting things are on the horizon if you are patient.

Other Entertainment Stories

Be sure to uncover all the clues...

Issue 1

New Reality TV Show to Feature iSeries Operators and Programmers
Programming executives at Aoba Entertainment announced today that they are developing a new reality TV show that will feature iSeries operators and programmers, pitting IT professionals against each other to see who can respond the quickest and most effectively to crisis situations. :: View full story.

Madame Gertrude and Her Psychic Llama (Horoscopes Group 1)
The moon in Pluto, money found in an old jacket, a starring role in Lord of the Dance? Find out what's in store for you in the weeks to come with Madame Gertrude and the predictions of her psychic llama. :: View full story.

Issue 2

Is Your Security a Joke? Webcast Plans Mix of Hints and Humor
Evans Business Solutions, the local software vendor hit by a recent data theft scandal, is marching forward with business as it plans an upcoming webcast entitled "Is Your Security a Joke?" :: View full story.

Madame Gertrude and Her Psychic Llama (Horoscopes Group 2)
Billing errors with the phone company, a receding hairline, great furniture deals? Find out what's in store for you in the weeks to come with Madame Gertrude and the predictions of her psychic llama. :: View full story.

Issue 3

Red Alert! Star Trek: Enterprise Threatened with Cancellation
Apparently not realizing that they have no other decent shows, the United Paramount Network (UPN) is considering cancelling Star Trek: Enterprise—the fifth incarnation of Star Trek on television—due to low ratings. :: View full story.

Madame Gertrude and Her Psychic Llama (Horoscopes Group 3)
Rising levels of mercury, camel spiders, a chance meeting with Jewish Frankenstein? Find out what's in store for you in the weeks to come with Madame Gertrude and the predictions of her psychic llama. :: View full story.

Issue 4

Lollapalooza Out, Carbapalooza In
The waning music festival Lollapalooza, founded in 1991 by Jane's Addiction leadman Perry Farrell, finally ran out of steam this week as organizers cancelled the entire upcoming summer concert season. :: View full story.

Madame Gertrude and Her Psychic Llama (Horoscopes Group 3)
A sensitivity to pollen, shellfish allergies, humans and bears dating on a reality show? Find out what's in store for you in the weeks to come with Madame Gertrude and the predictions of her psychic llama. :: View full story.